some humor for ya'll

[ctom]

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY......


On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just

inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts

and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.


'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several

dropped and rolled down toward the fence.


Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he

thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to

investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,

one for me...'


He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just

around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.


'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan

and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'


The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When

the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.


Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you,

one for me.'


The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see

if we can see the Lord...?


Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to

see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the

fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.


At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get

those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...


They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on

the bike passed him.

[Denny Welch]

Good one, Tom.

[ctom]

Andrew just sent me a note including this and I am going to post it because of all the fair-weather puppies here....thanks for this Andy!

Cold is a relative thing ya know....

At 65 degrees, Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.

At 60, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.

At 50, Italian & English cars won't start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..

At 40, Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

At 35, New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

At 20, People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.

At 0, Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

At 10 below zero, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

At 20 below, Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

At 30 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

At 40 below, ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya, eh?"

At 50 below, hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.

[Jerry V]

That about sums it up right there...

It's all relative... just depends on what you're accustom to.  I've been living up here where Winter is real all my life and it still amazes me how we make the transitions from 90+ to below zero and back again with out much of a thought. 

My Dad used to talk about putting the golf clubs away in the Fall when it got any where close 50 degrees, but wouldn't think twice about golfing in the Spring if it were that warm... it's all relative.  People are funny like that.

Jerry